If that was your dad, he is hot
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
