I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
