so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
