Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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