So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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