That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
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you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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