when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
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just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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