I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
