I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
