Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
