i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
