o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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