i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
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