ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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