theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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