Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
last night I used snow as a chaser
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
