There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
