she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I would fuck him just for his dog
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
