just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
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