I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
