Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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