dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
