All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
