New low: just hacked my moms facebook
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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