drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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