i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
