I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
