we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
