why didn't you poke me back
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
