if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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