i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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