I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
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