I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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