I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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