I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
