I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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