We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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