I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
