I'm pants shitting drunk right now
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize