I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
