can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
