After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
