I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
