You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Someone shattered a urinal.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
