I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
