I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
