Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
