Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
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