the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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