Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
