I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
