We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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