Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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