I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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