Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
