Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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