U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
well I can't set my house on fire every night
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
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