If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
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dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
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I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
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