so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
