My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
