I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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