I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
