I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
