Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
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She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
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I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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