Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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