i think my tv is drunk
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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